Attention all listeners and potential listeners: Your friendly DJs at Corporal Jigsore Quandary feel it is necessary to alert you to the fact that your current taste in music is utterly degenerate, effete and weak.

We understand that this might trouble you, and thus also are here to provide you with a solution: death metal. If you feel that you simply must replace your current laughable aesthetic with something a little bit more noble and/or majestic, then we suggest - nay, implore - that you allow us to present you with the finest in extreme metal: death, black, thrash and doom.

Else, we fear that you will remain stuck in the mire of mediocre mainstream musical experience and will be consumed by the glorious and inhuman fires of metal when Ragnarok comes.

Hail Satan, and listen in!